SFX

Lights up. ROB is sitting on a computer.

ROB (excited)
Guys, get in here!!

MATT and DAN enter, grumbling inarticulately.

ROB
So I found the sound effects we needed for the sketch show!

MATT
Great! Let's hear 'em.

ROB (moving his mouse)
I worked really hard to find this...thank god for this website.

DAN (leaning forward)
"MIDI Planet?"

MATT
Hey, sounds good to me! Haha!

MATT and DAN laugh.

ROB
Okay, here we go.

ROB doubleclicks the mouse. We hear a lo-fi, 8-bit digitized equivalent of a fart noise. A beat.

DAN
Okay so we needed a doorbell.

MATT
Yeah...

ROB
Oh...okay...

DAN
Yeah, I mean...what even was that?

MATT (nervously)
It's okay, it's okay, I bet they have a doorbell on this site somewhere...

ROB
It was a fart, okay?

MATT (scrutinizing computer screen)
Let's see, doorbe--

ROB
It was a fart. Dan. It was a fart noise.

DAN
Well that's funny because for being a fart noise, it sounded like shit.

ROB
What?!

DAN
It sounded horrible. You can't tell what the fuck it is.

MATT
Guys, guys--

ROB
Oh yeah?

ROB retaliates with another fart SFX.

DAN (sarcastic)
Oh, yikes.

Another fart.

DAN
Yikes!

Another fart.

DAN
Hark, a fartsy-tartsy!

Another fart.

DAN
What to my wondering eyes should appear, but a FART my dear, a FART MY DEAR!

MATT
Dan, please. You're only going to anger him. Don't -- get -- Rob -- angry!

Another fart.

DAN
OOH AND ALSO WE NEVER ASKED FOR A FART NOISE WE NEEDED A DOORBELL!

ROB turns red as Satan and storms toward a crazy-looking electric guitar plugged into a stack of amps. ROB puts on the guitar and strums it. An earth-shattering pixelated fart pounds through the air and tears across the stage with hurricane force. MATT and DAN are knocked to the ground.

Beat. A reverent FART MONSTER appears in the audience.

FART MONSTER
Good work, my son.

ROB
Thy will be done, father. THY WILL BE DONE.

BLACKOUT.