They laugh.
LIZZIE
Oh man, that Progressive auto insurance girl is hilarious.
ROB
She sure is. Gee, I'm hungry.
LIZZIE
Me too. What do you wanna eat?
ROB
Gosh, I don't know. I want a little bit of everything. Like a buffet, you know?
LIZZIE
Yeah.
Yeah.
ROB
If only there was a Ponderosa Steakhouse around here. I haven't seen one of those in ages. (sighs) Ahhh, gone the way of the buffalo, so they have.
If only there was a Ponderosa Steakhouse around here. I haven't seen one of those in ages. (sighs) Ahhh, gone the way of the buffalo, so they have.
LIZZIE
What? What steakhouse?
ROB
Ponderosa. You know. (sings) "Come and get it at Ponderosa!"
Ponderosa. You know. (sings) "Come and get it at Ponderosa!"
LIZZIE
Huh, never heard of it.
Huh, never heard of it.
ROB
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF PONDEROSA?!
LIZZIE
Umm, no. Why are you yelling at me?
ROB
Unbelievable. Try taking a roadtrip through the midwest without Ponderosa. I challenge you.
Unbelievable. Try taking a roadtrip through the midwest without Ponderosa. I challenge you.
LIZZIE
O-kay, uh, why can't you just explain this to me like a huma--
ROB (calling offstage)
Guys, she's a Ponderosa denier!
ROY and MATT enter.
ROY and MATT (ad lib...)
What? How dare you deny the reality that was Ponderosa? Etc...
LIZZIE
Okay, for starters, why were you guys hiding out in an apartment you don't live in. And secondly, I never said I DENIED the existence of Ponderosa Steakhouse!
ROB
Sheesh. Next thing ya know, she'll say she's never heard of Chi-Chi's!
Sheesh. Next thing ya know, she'll say she's never heard of Chi-Chi's!
Beat. They all turn to LIZZIE.
LIZZIE
I...don't know that one either.
The guys erupt in disgust.
ROB
Lizzie, Chi-Chi's single-handedly brought mexican cuisine to families all over America. Try taking a roadtrip through the midwest without Chi-Chi's!
MATT
Yeah, you just try it!
LIZZIE
Okay, well, I've never been on a roadtrip, so--
ROB
You can't deny Chi-Chi's legacy, she-bitch.
LIZZIE
I'm not denying anything! And don't call me that!
ROY
What about Perkins?
MATT
Yeah, what about Perkins?
ROB
Perkins.
Beat.
LIZZIE
Oh, yeah. Perrrrkins. Mmmm. Love it.
ROB
If you reeeeally love Perkins, then why don't you tell me what I ate there on my road trip to North Carolina during spring break '04?
LIZZIE
How could I possibly know that?
The guys erupt again.
ROB (pointing accusingly at her)
I knew it! DENIER!
ROY
Kudos to you, Rob.
MATT
Yeah, I don't know how you can date someone who so blatantly denies the history of our culture.
ROB
It's rough, but I--
LIZZIE
"Our culture"?! What culture are you referring to? The culture of franchise restaurants that only exist at interstate off-ramps? Have you at all considered the fact that I was born and raised in Brooklyn? Not some town in Ohio?
Beat.
ROY
Wow, I guess you're right.
MATT
That was really inconsiderate of us.
That was really inconsiderate of us.
ROB
Sorry, honey. I just naturally assumed that you had the same knowledge base as me, despite the fact that we grew up in different geographic regions. That was really small-minded of me. Will you forgive me?
Sorry, honey. I just naturally assumed that you had the same knowledge base as me, despite the fact that we grew up in different geographic regions. That was really small-minded of me. Will you forgive me?
LIZZIE
Of course. Now, if you please, there's another Progressive auto insurance commercial on TV and I would so like to watch this talented young lady perform.
GUYS
Oh, wow!
They turn to face the TV and high-five.
BLACKOUT.
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